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BEREAVEMENT
©Rev. Dr. José Abraham De Jesús-Rivera
A. HEALING THE GRIEF WOUND
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Stages |
Grief Work Task |
Help Needed |
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Denial |
1. Experiencing shock, numbness, denial and gradually accepting the reality of the loss. |
A ministry of caring and presence, practical help, and spiritual comfort. |
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Anger and guilt |
2. Experiencing, expressing and working through painful feelings,--e.g. guilt, remorse, apathy, anger, resentment, yearning, despair anxiety, emptiness, depression, loneliness, panic, disorientation, loss of clear identity, physical symptoms, etc. |
A ministry of caring and responsive listening to encourage full catharsis. |
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Acceptance |
3. Gradual acceptance of the loss and putting one's life back together minus what was lost, making decisions and coping with the new reality; unlearning old ways of satisfying one's needs and learning new ways to satisfy the needs. Saying "goodbye" and reinventing one's life energy with other relationships. |
A ministry of crisis care and counseling, facilitating reality testing, and support int the difficult task of rebuilding one's life. |
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Working to a new reality |
4. Putting one's loss in a wider context of meaning and faith: learning from the loss. |
A ministry of facilitating spiritual growth. |
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Reaching out/ Finding new meaning |
5. Reaching our to others experiencing similar losses for mutual help. |
A ministry of enabling outreach to others. |
B. Questions to Promote Catharsis:
- What have you been feeling since the funeral?
- What sort of memories keep coming back?
- How often do you let yourself cry?
- Have you have had trouble keeping going?
- Would you tell me more about the way he/she died?
C. The two feelings that hinders the grief process:
- guilt (remorse and shame)
- anger (resentment and rage)
D. The grief wound cannot be heal fully until one has:
- accepted the reality of the loss,
- surrender one's emotional tie to the person,
- begun to form other relationships, and
- provide new sources of interpersonal satisfaction.
(Grief is a normal healing process when confronted with a wounding experience.)
E. Signs of danger (indicate pathological grief)
- Increased withdraw from relationships and normal activities,
- The absence of mourning,
- Undiminished mourning,
- Severe depression that do not lift,
- Severe psychosomatic problems,
- Disorientation,
- Personality changes,
- Severe, undiminishing guilt,
- Anger, phobias, or loss of interest on life,
- Continuing escape by means of drugs or alcohol,
- Feeling of inner deadness.
F. Setting up a grief healing group
- Inform the congregation about the loss
- Train lay leaders in support techniques
- Set up a grief helping group
G. Five things that help people who are dying:
- Having a small caring community
- Completing as many of the unfinished issues
- Doing the complex grief work of dying
- Having a faith system, a sense of trust and at-home in the universe
- Having a setting where one can die with dignity.
©Rev. Dr. José Abraham De Jesús-Rivera
For more information on this topic consult the book by:
Howard Clinebell, Pastoral Care and Counseling: Nashville: Abingdom Press, 1984.
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